I'm losing everything and it sucks. My parents are getting a divorce, I hardly ever see my niece Zoey and she just started walking. Honestly, those two things don't hurt so much because I never had them. You can't lose something you never had. My friends are another matter. I actually had them, they were always there for me and now they're leaving me. I knew this was going to happen but I didn't know it would hurt so much to see my bestfriends replace me with new best friends. It probably only hurts so much because I can't do the same. No matter how long we've been apart, everyone else I befriend, they're still my best friends. Stephanie's the last one left and even when we delude ourselves by talking about sharing a house or whatever after college I know it won't happen. It would be great if we could but we're going to go our different ways to become the people we really are.
whatever, I know life sucks right now, it'll get better, it's better not to dwell on the past and things we can't change. blah,blah,blah. I think death of my friendships deserves a bit of a cry though and I'm tired of being sad alone. I'll grow up tomorrow but today I think I'll just be 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, and 17.
But what started this? one might wonder. I'm at the bottom of my bestfriend's friend list. That in itself isn't so troubling it's just what it means to me.
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is it the person? because that makes me feel just so horrid and hurt. and the problem is that she doesn't even see it...and, for as long as i am able, i will always be your friend, angela. even if we drift away and our friendship is just a memory, i'll think about you every now and then and just laugh. my friendship with you is one of the only good and exciting things i have and it's dominated nearly my whole highschool career. i've suddenly realized i've isolated myself so badly that the only one i'll let intrude on me is you. sure, we'll most likely drif apart, but i hold the firm belief that time itself is an illusion. though we might not see it that way, our friendship will always exist, always be in the time it was and is. that we can never change. everything, you see, is so ethereal, but eternal just the same. it exits--wherever and whenever it is, it exists. and never dies. i love you; you've been my best friend. and even if it doesn't seem so important later, that won't ever change...sappy, right? well, i've got tears welling up so i'd best go...crying always puts me in such a bad mood.
Angela; I remember feeling like you do right now. Believe me, you'll lose some of whom you considered to be "best friends." Then there will be those people like Stephanie, who, even as you drift apart and may not see for a long time, will remain close friends. Those are the REALLY precious and meaningful friendships of that "path of MOST resistance" I call high school. The same thing happen to me. Friends I SWORE would be in my wedding, that I'd keep up with every week, that would have kids to play with my kids in Bville (ha), are just a memory. And you know what? It's ok, b/c since then (college, career, teaching even) I've made lifelong relationships with people who matter. Really. Gee, this may not help at all right now, but trust me, there is green grass to come! Love ya!
I know the feeling of things being crazy, and here comes the cliche, "things'll get better" comment. But really, this is just showing you who your true friends really are. If they're just gonna ditch you, it doesn't seem like they were too awesome friends anyway.
Senior year so far has been really weird, no?
Oh, and PS -- I got the footage I needed, but many thanks for the suggestion. As it turns out though, I'm not gonna be able to go to the game.
aww... thanks guys. I'm feelin' the love right now. I actually just went and spent the whole weekend at my friend's house and we're going to a 3dg concert later so it's getting better.
And Effie, you're so wicked I can't begin to describe it. I <3 u 2.
Yea, you can for sure borrow it once Krieger gets done. It's a really quick read (only 144 pages, including bunches of pictures and whatnot).
And really? I never hear anything of that sort? It's probably for the best though...Most of the girls in our school are pretty creepy.
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